March 10, 2015

the many emotions of 35 minutes

-Excitement: the idea that you can do things if you have money and exercise discipline
ie: study abroad and learn basic navigation aboard a sailing vessel
-Determination: calculating and budgeting out for a projected three years
ie: adding up a projected savings of $300 a month for 36 months
-Disbelief: when your suppressed hopes do a nosedive
ie: realizing that it wouldn't cover half the cost of a trip
-Anger: the emotion that comes out of an attitude of entitlement
ie: Down with taxes! Down with the upper class!! Anarchy!!!!
-Depression: a side effect of guilt
ie: when you realize how unthankful the aforementioned sounds out loud

I guess I struggle with greed. I never really thought I would because I've never had a lot of money, but I really really like money. I like to spend money. I wish I didn't.
It seems that many people go on trips abroad like it's no big deal. I have some friends who go abroad fairly often. One friend and particular- I feel like she isn't afraid to dream big.
I thought this blog post would be about the injustice of dreams, how they give you a magic carpet and then tug as you tumble over- but that's not the poin anymore.
God deals so graciously with me. I mean, I have a beautiful family. We live in a beautiful home. We easy very well, I want for nothing foodwise.
It's easy for me to see the limitations in my life. My friends cars are typically much nicer. Many of them don't care about the cost of their college.

I need Jesus to help me get the right perspective. I need to trust him when he says he has good things in store for Me, that he doesn't like to deprive his children, that he isn't miserly. He gave all, and continues to give.