Burnt, But Not on Fire

Do you ever feel dry, but not thirsty?  Tired, but not desperate?  Like Moses' burning bush, but the opposite?  Because I do right now.  I feel caught up in between all I have ever been taught and just me feeling reluctant.  What do I do?  If you're reading this now (that makes you're a very special person because I hand picked you two) then please pray for me.  Pray for a breakthrough.  Honestly, I'm asking you to pray because I myself don't want to. 
"I felt like I was standing in between the 'Lost' and 'Found'."-Sanctus Real, Till I Got to Know You

My Steadfast Love Shall Not Depart From You

"Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;
   break forth into singing and cry aloud,
   you who have not been in labor!
For the children of the desolate one will be more
   than the children of her who is married," says the LORD.
"Enlarge the place of your tent,
   and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;
do not hold back; lengthen your cords
   and strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left,
   and your offspring will possess the nations
   and will people the desolate cities.

"Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
   be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
   and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
For your Maker is your husband,
   the LORD of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
    the God of the whole earth he is called.
For the LORD has called you
   like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
   says your God.
For a brief moment I deserted you,
   but with great compassion I will gather you.
In overflowing anger for a moment
   I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,"
   says the LORD, your Redeemer.

"This is like the days of Noah to me:
   as I swore that the waters of Noah
   should no more go over the earth,
so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you,
   and will not rebuke you.
For the mountains may depart
   and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
   and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,"
   says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

 "O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted,
   behold, I will set your stones in antimony,

    and lay your foundations with sapphires.

I will make your pinnacles of agate,
   

your gates of carbuncles,

and all your wall of precious stones.

 All your children shall be taught by the LORD,

and great shall be the peace of your children.   
    In righteousness you shall be established;

you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;

   and from terror, for it shall not come near you.
 If anyone stirs up strife,
   it is not from me;
whoever stirs up strife with you
   shall fall because of you.
Behold, I have created the smith
   who blows the fire of coals
   and produces a weapon for its purpose.
I have also created the ravager to destroy;
 no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed,
   and you shall confute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD
    and their vindication from me, declares the LORD." -Isaiah 54

"If Grace is an ocean we're all sinking"

I struggle with regret.  Intense regret.  I ache and feel sick to my stomach, I don't want to eat, I'm afraid that if I don't go and fix myself RIGHT NOW I'm going to be sentenced to eternity in Hell.  I'm not joking.  I really feel that way.  It's awful.  I beat myself up because I want to forget how I feel and move on...but I find that moving on doesn't help at all.  I feel like moving on only makes it worse, and in some ways it does.  It eats away at the back of my mind until I go into my room, the bathroom, wherever I can get away and talk to God.  I mean, I literally go and say "I know I'm a mess but I don't feel guilty so please forgive me for not feeling guilty and change that".  In reality, this is just a season in my life and I encounter other struggles, but this has been one that's really been bothering me lately.  But, He isn't finished with me yet.  It's easier sometimes for me to move on.  So, that shows that it's getting better.  Like my Drama teacher says, "Now is not forever".  Now is not forever.  "I don't have to carry the weight of who i've been cause I'm forgiven".  "He's still working on me".  "...neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."


"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love.  Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it.  Seal it for thy courts above."

It Was The Time When Lilies Blow...

I love poetry.  Some of my favorite poems include Billy Collins' "Introduction to Poetry", John Burroughs' "Waiting", Shakespeare's "Sonnet 116", etc.  To be quite honest, I haven't read as much poetry as I would like to boast of.  But, I can claim to have read a very good bit of Tennyson.  I love his works because they are generally full of music and beauty and vivid descriptions so much so that you can clearly see what he is talking about.  He was a brilliant man.  I really hope that he was a Christian (some of his poetry would suggest that he was) Ex: "I hope to see my Pilot face to face When I have crost the bar."  "Crossing the Bar", "Break Break Break", "the Lady of Shallot", "Sailor Lad", and "the Revenge" are all fantastic works by Lord Tennyson.  But, my favorite poem of all time remains Tennyson's "Lady Clare".  Enjoy :)

It was the time when lilies blow,
And clouds are highest up in air.
Lord Ronald brought a lily-white doe
To give his cousin, Lady Clare.

I trow they did not part in scorn:
Lovers long betrothed were they;
They two will wed the morrow morn;
God's blessing on the day!

"He does not love me for my birth
Nor for my lands so broad and fair;
He loves me for my own true worth,
And that is well," said Lady Clare.

In there came old Alice the nurse,
Said, "Who was this that went from thee?"
"It was my cousin," said Lady Clare;
"To-morrow he weds with me."

"Oh, God be thanked!" said Alice the nurse,
"That all comes round so just and fair:
Lord Ronald is heir of all your lands,
And you are not the Lady Clare."

"Are ye out of your mind, my nurse, my nurse,"
Said Lady Clare, "that ye speak so wild?"
"As God's above," said Alice the nurse,
"I speak the truth: you are my child.

The old earl's daughter died at my breast;
I speak the truth, as I live by bread!
I buried her like my own sweet child,

And put my child in her stead."

"Falsely, falsely have ye done,
O mother," she said, "if this be true,

To keep the best man under the sun

So many years from his due."

"Nay now, my child," said Alice the nurse,
"But keep the secret for your life,
And all you have will be Lord Ronald's,
When you are man and wife."

"If I'm a beggar born," she said
"I will speak out, for I dare not lie,
Pull off, pull off the brooch of gold,
And fling the diamond necklace by."

"Nay now, my child," said Alice the nurse,
"But keep the secret all you can."
She said, "Not so; but I will know
If there be any faith in man."

"Nay now, what faith?" said Alice the nurse,
"The man will cleave unto his right."
"And he shall have it," the lady replied,
"Though I should die to-night."

"Yet give one kiss to your mother, dear!
Alas, my child! I sinned for thee."
"O mother, mother, mother," she said,
"So strange it seems to me!

"Yet here's a kiss for my mother dear,
My mother dear, if this be so,
And lay your hand upon my head,
And bless me, mother, ere I go."

She clad herself in a russet gown,
She was no longer Lady Clare:
She went by dale, and she went by down,
With a single rose in her hair.

The lily-white doe Lord Ronald had brought
Leapt up from where she lay.
Dropped her head in the maiden's hand.
And followed her all the way.

Down stepped Lord Ronald from his tower:
"O Lady Clare, you shame your worth!
Why come you dressed like a village maid,
That are the flower of the earth?"

"If I come dressed like a village maid,
I am but as my fortunes are:
I am a begger born," she said,
"And not the Lady Clare."

"Play me no tricks," said Lord Ronald,
"For I am yours in word and in deed;
Play me no tricks," said Lord Ronald,

"Your riddle is hard to read."

Oh, and proudly stood she up!
Her heart within her did not fail:
She looked into Lord Ronald's eyes,
And told him all her nurse's tale.

He laughed a laugh of merry scorn:
He turned and kissed her where she stood;
"If you are not the heiress born,
And I," said he, "the next in blood--

"If you are not the heiress born,
And I," said he, "the lawful heir,
We two will wed to-morrow morn,
And you shall still be Lady Clare."

Me

I love colors.  That's why I love Clark Little's photography.  Those waves are just so incredibly beautiful...it helps me realize what God must look like.  Breathtaking.  And it's crazy to think that most people will never see what Clark Little sees.  It's something as simple as a wave in the ocean...inside of it...God took the time to form such beauty in a place where few people get to see.  If you haven't noticed yet, the background for my blog is one of Clark Little's pictures (all photocredit goes to him).  Here is the link to Clark Little's website.  Please take the time to look at his pictures.  I hope they mean as much to you as they do to me.


http://www.clarklittlephotography.com/