January 23, 2014

Musings By the Fire

Was P. L. Travers really such a sad person?  Did she love her father that much to change her name, or was it out of some deep regret she wished to mend?  In the movie, Saving Mr. Banks, she hated pears because her father loved them, and she failed to give him pears before he died.  Was that a fragment of fiction?  And if she really didn't hate pears, suppose she did, would she have thrown them out her window?  Is that within her character?

I enjoyed that *English country dance thoroughly, though I might have wished my feet wouldn't have hurt.  I love that sort of thing.  How nice they preserved such a tradition for us modern people.

What kind of person would I be like if I grew up in Regency times?  Would I have been a terrible flirt, since my family would surely have been different and they influence my morals so?  Would my family really be so very different?  If I grew up then, marriage was the expected.  Would my family expect me to marry well, to not be a burden on my father?  You know, I bet my father would be very like he is now.  He would still feel the burden to take good care of us.  I should think my family would want me to marry for love, but I wouldn't say they expected it.  I certainly would marry, but who?  Would he be a great gentleman, meeting moral standards to a tee?  Would he be coarse and dutiful, or would he be tender and gentle?  Perhaps he would be very very rich, or mayhaps I would end up a clergyman's wife.  I don't think I am suited to such a position.

Mother sleeps, her eyes restful and her skin peachy.  She looks like Aurora from Sleeping Beauty.

The log from the fire just fell.  I hope it does not burn a hole in the chimney.  Oh well.


^Such were the musings of my head as I watched our family's fire tonight.
*I recently attended an English country dance with some friends, where we danced in regency fashion like Jane Austen.

January 11, 2014

Dead Hearts

I've been thinking about the team that just went to Ukraine for Christmas and wishing I could have gone with them.  They went to Kharciv and saw all the kids from two summers ago: David, Oksana, Stam, cont.  My sister was with them.  This is like the eighth time she's been to Ukraine.  Every time she's come back, she always listens to this song and since she is interning away from home, she hasn't been here to play it.  But it came on when I had my ipod on shuffle and I haven't been able to get it out of my head...

"Dead Hearts"

Tell me everything that happened
Tell me everything you saw
They had lights inside their eyes
They had lights inside their eyes

Did you see the closing window?
Did you hear the slamming door?
They moved forward, my heart died
They moved forward, my heart died

Please, please tell me what they look like
Did they seem afraid of you?
They were kids that I once knew
They were kids that I once knew

[Chorus]
I could say it, but you won't believe me
You say you do, but you don't deceive me
It's hard to know they're out there
It's hard to know that you still care
I could say it but you wont believe me
You say you do but you don't deceive me
Dead hearts are everywhere
Dead hearts are everywhere

Did you touch them, did you hold them?
Did they follow you to town?
They make me feel I'm falling down
They make me feel I'm falling down

Was there one you saw too clearly?
Did they seem too real to you?
They were kids that I once knew
They were kids that I once knew

[Chorus x2]

They were kids that I once knew
They were kids that I once knew
Now they're all dead hearts to you
Now they're all dead hearts to you

They were kids that I once knew
They were kids that I once knew
Now they're all dead hearts to you


I miss Ukraine.  I miss the kids I met there.  I wish I could go back to let them know that I have not forgotten them.  Sometimes, it's heartbreaking to think of them because I don't know if anything has changed for them, if their circumstances have gotten any better.  I think I also wish I could go back to relieve myself of the guilt of knowing how often I have forgotten them, how I have taken my circumstances for granted and ignored how hard life is for them.  Or, just forgotten about them, forgotten that they are out there still.  

Isn't it great to know that God never forgets?