So I've been trying to learn that it is by grace I am saved. That is something really, really, really hard for me to get. It's just hard for me to realize nothing I do can make me go to Heaven. It's only by faith in Jesus Christ, who died for my sins and keeps my sinful self buried never to rise again. It hurts, and it makes me scared to realize this. It makes me panic, searching for something to hang on to. Some of you may not struggle with this. Sometimes I find my self-righteous work-my-way side funny. I don't always realize how severe it is to look at God's propitiation for sin and say "it wasn't enough". That's severe. It's not a lighthearted problem.
So, I am saved. God has told me so many times through his promises that I am saved.
I just have to remember that it is by grace.
I love the song "I Cannot" by Donna Stuart. It really grabs my attention, but it doesn't hurt. It's comforting. It doesn't scare me.
I have been struggling with depression alot lately. Mostly because my very salvation depended on what I was doing, even if that was relying on grace. But this is NOT from God and WILL NOT be from God. It's so hard when your every decision seems important. That's just Legalism trying to eat me up.
I've been afraid lately, too. I think part of it is I'm afraid of myself, the evil me that thinks things so horrible. I have to remind myself that everyone thinks these thoughts. God is leading me out of the worst ones and the others are just part of the sinful nature and can be beaten.
I also feel lonely. Ya, typical right? Every female feels that way. I have no idea who this someone is. Honestly, if I met him now that'd be the worst case scenario. I'm still so selfish, so unpredictable, and I don't really know who I am yet ( ^ see above). I'd turn into one of those clingy women who look to him as their savior. But it doesn't help when you're still so young and you feel everything all the same.
"Oh My Dear, I'll wait for you. Grace tonight will pull us through until the tears have left your eyes, until the fears can sleep at night, until the demons that you're scared of disappear inside, until the scale begins to crack and the weight falls from your back. Oh My Dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight"
So, I am saved. God has told me so many times through his promises that I am saved.
I just have to remember that it is by grace.
I love the song "I Cannot" by Donna Stuart. It really grabs my attention, but it doesn't hurt. It's comforting. It doesn't scare me.
I have been struggling with depression alot lately. Mostly because my very salvation depended on what I was doing, even if that was relying on grace. But this is NOT from God and WILL NOT be from God. It's so hard when your every decision seems important. That's just Legalism trying to eat me up.
I've been afraid lately, too. I think part of it is I'm afraid of myself, the evil me that thinks things so horrible. I have to remind myself that everyone thinks these thoughts. God is leading me out of the worst ones and the others are just part of the sinful nature and can be beaten.
I also feel lonely. Ya, typical right? Every female feels that way. I have no idea who this someone is. Honestly, if I met him now that'd be the worst case scenario. I'm still so selfish, so unpredictable, and I don't really know who I am yet ( ^ see above). I'd turn into one of those clingy women who look to him as their savior. But it doesn't help when you're still so young and you feel everything all the same.
"Oh My Dear, I'll wait for you. Grace tonight will pull us through until the tears have left your eyes, until the fears can sleep at night, until the demons that you're scared of disappear inside, until the scale begins to crack and the weight falls from your back. Oh My Dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight"
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