This Chapter is Called, "The One Claim I Shall Make," or "Pubescent Angst"

It was bound to happen.

What is the one thing you never want to read about in a girl's blog?


Boys.

And that's the topic of today's post, folks.

I hope this will be the only post I make centered on this topic, so please pardon me; I apologize for the stupid pubescent words that might spew onto this post and feel free to disregard them as the results of changing hormones and unbalanced chemicals.

With that said.

QUOTE:
“All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one: you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone!”- Jane Austen's Persuasion

Or, in simpler terms:

"I do not suppose that true constancy is known only by women, but the one claim I shall make for my own sex is that we love longest, when all hope is gone." Persuasion (the 2007 movie)

You might have guessed that there's this one boy.  He's very sweet and very funny.  There's something about him that communicates that he is a deep thinker and honors what is valuable. And, of course, there's his eyes.

I was sitting in the hall, when I saw a figure wearing white.  I did not recognize the person's form at first, but as I turned around to see who it was.  Bam.  Ocean blue of multiple hues.  Right there. I'm sure I blushed beat red.  His eyes have that affect.

I have liked* this boy for four years now.  I have liked other boys while I liked this boy, but only because this boy has never liked me back.  See, if he had liked me and I had known about it, those other boys would have been history.  As it is, some of those other boys are now my friends, so I can honestly say they are wonderful guys. But, I just don't like them.  I see them as the kind of people you can have a good time with and thoroughly enjoy their company.  I just don't see them as a potential spouse.  This boy has that quality.  I can't explain it any other way.

But, he doesn't like me.  That's okay, we operate in completely different social circles, so it's not like I expect him to like me or even to notice me.  He is popular and outgoing and funny, and I am scholastic and quirky and semi-reclusive.  But, come Prom time, I always hope for something.  I hope (not "expect" or "suspect") that he'd ask me to dance.  It's the yearly wanting that gets to be so hard.

"There's a strange hunger gnawing at my heart..."-Cyrano De Bergerac

I am lonely and sad.  I have an ache in my soul that longs for a return of affection.  I've thought about it, and I can't really imagine there being another person for me.

Pubescent angst, I suppose.

I could rant and rave about all of his marvelous qualities, but who really wants to hear about someone else's love interest?  My point, exactly.  So, I'll take my exit from this area of teenage life with these sappy-but-very-applicable words:

"I want you to love me, [she] whispers, unable to speak.
And [she] wonders aloud why feelings so strong make the body so weak.
Then [she] awoke. Now [she's] scared to death somebody heard.
If it was you, and you know [him], please don't say a word."




*Just to clarify, when I say I have "liked" anyone, I mean the kind of liking from afar.  I have never told anyone that I liked them, so I've never been in a relationship.  Just wanted ya'll to know :)

Flower Picking

"ONCE in a golden hour
I cast to earth a seed.
Up there came a flower,
The people said, a weed.

To and fro they went
Thro’ my garden-bower,
And muttering discontent
Cur’d me and my flower.

Then it grew so tall
It wore a crown of light,
But thieves from o’er the wall
Stole the seed by night.

Sow’d it far and wide
By every town and tower,
Till all the people cried,
“Splendid is the flower.”

 Read my little fable:
He that runs may read.
Most can raise the flowers now,
For all have got the seed.

And some are pretty enough,
And some are poor indeed;
And now again the people
Call it but a weed."

Flower picking always reminds me of my Mama and this poem.  We always used to pick weed-flowers together.  I love you, Mama!

"I'm Not Really Complaining..."

So, I feel bad when I look at my blog and compare it to (learning.steadfastness and In first person because ya'll seek to be above reproach and never complain, but I thought you'd appreciate the humor of this soul's complaint.




Expand the logarithmic expression as much as possible: ln{[x^7(x+3)^1/2]}(x=3)^4}
 Okay, so it becomes 7lnx=1/2ln(x^2=3)-4ln(x+3)


This is going to help me in life..... how?


lol

So

Lizards.

I hate them.

Reason Number One:
Lizards are not intelligent creatures.  They are, in fact, extremely stupid.
Proof:
I am attempting to clean the pool and I go to reach for the pool vacuum.  The lizard then proceeds to flee my presence by running directly into the pool screen over and over and over.  Evidence: affirmative.

Reason Number Two:
Lizards have no sense of personal space.
Proof:
I am letting my cat outside via the front door.  I am clearly inside and in no way out of the door.  Splat.  Lizard on my foot.  Evidence: affirmative.

Reason Number Three:
Lizards are repulsive.
Proof:
I am walking out the door and I see a lizard's tail detached from its body, still wiggling.  I am repulsed.  Evidence: affirmative.

Thus, I cannot abide the presence of lizards.

Blind, Dead, and SHABANG! Found.

I once was lost.
dead.
I was old enough to remember the sin in which I lived.  The deadness.  The lies.  The fruitlessness.  SO much even my closest friends do not know about.

I've been struggling because I am not that way anymore.  Now, I am considered a person of strong character and dignity.  I would be confused because people would tell me, "You're not that bad!"  And I would think, "You don't know where I've been!"

But lately, the two sides of me have made sense.  The side that says, " I am not that person anymore!  I'm a good person!" and the side that says, "I'm the scum of the Earth- a sinner!  I'm the person people mention in hushed voices!" have finally collided.  I AM a sinner- found in Your presence!  I am no longer caught up in the evil desires of my heart because I am found!  I once was lost, but I am found.  Was blind, but now I see!

It's such a simple truth.  One that makes up the Core of Christianity.  But it's finally making sense.  I am free to be the person I am know as- respected, considered full of integrity- because Christ has given me a new identity.  He has made me new, delivered me from this body of death.  This seed of Truth is still developing in my heart.  Not every day does it seem to be in bloom, but it has been planted.  And that is good news.

My prayer squad- I'd appreciate your prayers that God would continue to increase my natural response to Him.  You're awesome ;)

Amen.  Hallelujah.

Like Dull Narcotics, Numbing Pain

"I sometimes hold it half a sin

         To put in words the grief I feel;

         For words, like Nature, half reveal

And half conceal the Soul within.

But, for the unquiet heart and brain,

         A use in   measured language lies;

         The sad mechanic exercise,

Like dull narcotics, numbing pain.

In words, like weeds, I'll wrap me o'er,

         Like coarsest clothes against the cold;

         But that large grief which these enfold

Is given in outline and no more."