Day Two

The sun trickled through a hole in our alcove and disrupted my sleep.  I rolled onto my stomach and shoved my face into the soft sea grass and sighed.  I had just slipped into a new dream when Zenaide’s smooth hand touched my shoulder. 

            “Isolde,” she said, “Isolde, it’s time to get up.  Mother wants to see you.”

            I toyed with the idea of ignoring her, but then she shook me and I knew sleep wasn’t going to happen.  My tangled mat of hair flopped in my face as I thrust my body from the spongy rock and sat up. 

            “What time is it?” I mumbled as I rubbed my webbed hands on my face. 

            “It’s 7:30.  Mother let you sleep in.”

            I pushed the hair out of my eyes and looked at Zenaide with contempt. 

            “7:30 is not sleeping in.”

            She raised her perfects eyebrows and shrugged.  I remained in bed and adjusted my eyes to the morning light as Zenaide ordered our room.  She picked up my comb and placed it on the dressing table and pulled back the seaweed from the windows.   Her iridescent tail glimmered as she swam back to the table and sat in the chair.  I watched her ivory arms shimmer in the light as she brushed her hair out with the sea urchin.  Her hair rippled and flowed like the ink of a squid, perfect and black.

            Mother’s voice echoed through the stone walls: “Isolde!”

            I threw back the sea grass mat and flopped out of bed.  The sand rose around me in billowed clouds and I coughed.  I blinked to rid the dust from my eyes and sputtered to clear my lungs, when I felt a sponge thrust in my hand.  I wiped my eyes and stared at my feet. 

            “Thanks, Zenie.”  I said with a blush.  I looked up to see Zenaide smile.  She glanced towards the entryway.  “Better hurry up.  Mother isn’t herself today.”

            I wrinkled my nose, but didn’t reply.  The golden sand of our bedroom settled as I ripped through my hair with the urchin comb and stuffed it in a spotted cowrie.  Zenaide had finished dressing and sat on her bed to weave.  Her hair cascaded down her back and shoulders and a blue sea star held in place a ribbon of red kelp.  I searched the walls to pluck a sea star so I, too, could have something fashionable.  I could only find a red one, but I set it on my hip anyhow.  I skipped the sash because I heard Mother call again.

            Mother sat in the sandy clearing, her eyes fixed on the tapestry she wove.  Without a glance my way, she picked up a new thread of sea weed and said, “Isolde, you slept in today.”

            “I know.”  It must have come across cocky, but I didn’t mean it to.  Mother looked up at me.

            “What was that?”

            “Nothing, Mother.  I’m sorry I slept in.”

            Mother looked back at her tapestry and nodded.  “It’s okay, love.  Your breakfast is on the table and your tapestry is waiting for you there.”

            I spurted to the kitchen to eat my breakfast.  The crab was slick and stringy and I relished the taste.  It was almost as good as when I had it at the Grotenburg’s.  I reached for more on the table, but Mother walked in.

            “Is that how a lady eats?”

            “No?”  I guessed.

            “No, it isn’t. You’ve had your fill, now it’s time to get to work on your tapestry.”

            I slumped in the chair and quickly sat back up again when I caught Mother’s gaze.  My hands fumbled with the threads of sea weed as I labored to produce some kind of image. 

“Is it a shark?”  Mother suggested.

“I don’t think so.”  I held back themat and squinted my eyes.  Somehow, the colors just didn’t work out.  When I started the tapestry a year ago, I had grand ideas of making a coral reef, but I learned that my fingers were far too clumsy.  I gave up on the reef idea and hoped that I could discover some other picture in the threads, but the tapestry failed to produce an image.  After an hour or so, Mother had compassion on me and let me leave that horrid work to play outside.

I scampered out of the house.  The fishherder boy was out with the Yellowtail and I hoped he hadn’t seen me with my hair up.  I coasted over the flat sands that led to the great coral heaps until at last I arrived at the main section of the reef.  The market was alive with merpeople selling crustaceans and gastropods.  I passed by one vendor who thrust out an arm covered with shiny metals. 

“Upperworld beauties for sale!  Get them from Ol’ Hurlei!” The man croaked.  My eyes locked on the jewelry and I stopped to stare.  Just then Seine tackled me from behind. 

“Hey you.” She cackled.  Her green eyes glittered.  “I have a surprise for you today.”

“What kind of surprise?”

“A secret.”  Seine oozed mischief.

Phantom Ladies

Wisps of fog blew over the wooden deck.  The railing grew damp under the captain’s hand as he strolled along the side of his ship.  The wind whistled in his ears.

            “Head East, Mr. Foster.” He called to the coxswain.

“Aye, Sir.”

The great helm creaked.  A bell rung out, clear and ominous, above the deck.  The captain narrowed his eyes and stared at the horizon.

“My glass, Mr. Barrow, if you please.”

The First Lieutenant placed the glass in the captain’s weathered hands.  He lifted the instrument to his right eye, closed his left, and searched the horizon.

A sweet voice floated above the waters to the ears of the sailors.  The song was light and airy and the men’s eyes grew wide with the sound.

“South-South West, Mr. Tremain.”  The captain barked.  He raised the glass again.  Through the gusts of fog, the figure of a woman appeared.  She sat on the rocks and stroked her auburn hair with her long fingers.  Her eyes turned toward the ship.

She beckoned them closer with a wave of her hand and the song swelled in crescendo.  The sailors flocked to the starboard side of the ship, their eyes wide and their mouths open.  Never before had his men beheld such an enchanting creature.

As the ship drew nearer, the woman’s features grew distinct.  Her perfect lips were blue and her arms were adorned with blue tattoos.  Gold bangles draped on her wrists and neck.  A gold brooch nestled in her hair.  She suddenly ceased her song.  The sailors leaned in.  Some blew kisses in the air while others smiled and waved.  The creature smiled back at them.  Her eyes were warm and inviting.  She leaned her head back, and shrieked at the noonday sun.

Eel-like tendrils burst out of the water and seized the ship.  The main mast snapped and toppled to the deck.  Wet ropes writhed in the air and landed in twisted coils on top of crippled men.  Sea water burst through giant punctures in the side of the ship and flooded the lower deck.  The captain reeled and stumbled.  He gripped the railing on the starboard side as the ship was lifted out of the water.  Sailors tumbled out and plunged into the dark water below.  The ship shook and the captain was flung towards the sea.  The shock of the water stung his body and he sunk, frozen, but his eyes flew open and he kicked towards the surface.  All at once, three creatures appeared and circled around him.  They were not women at all, but had tails like eels and pointed teeth.  They wrapped their fingers around his arms and swam down.  The captain’s heart beat fast.  The light grew dark.

            

Facing Reality

Have you ever dreamed about something for a really long time, and then, suddenly, you face the reality of your dream?  You are on the brink of your greatest nightmare or a Disney-esque fairy tale and you don't know if you want to find out which it is.  In the end you jump because you want to discover if your dream will really be as sweet as you hope, and you realize that to keep dreaming without fulfilling your dream would be to waste your time.  It would be better to have your heart broken because it wasn't all you wanted it to be than to keep standing on the edge waiting.  And maybe your dream will end up being all you hoped it would be.

Or, to quote Tangled:

Flynn Rider: [noticing the look on Rapunzel's face] You OK?

Rapunzel: [meekly whispers] I'm terrified.

Flynn Rider: [softly] Why?

Rapunzel: I've been looking out a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what it might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything that I dreamed it would be?

Flynn Rider: [reassuringly] It will be.

Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then?

Flynn Rider: Well that's the good part, I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

^Ugh, sap.

Be Calm?!

Cyrano: I will be there.  A rendezvous- from her- with me!

Le Bret: You see!  Now you are not so miserable, my friend.

Cyrano: Whatever comes, at least she knows I live.

Le Bret: And now let's hope you will be calm.

Cyrano: Be calm!  I am all frantic violence and fire!  I'd face an army- and I'd vanquish it!  I have ten hearts and twenty arms!  I'll fight with no more dwarfs!  I must have giants now! 

I'm Fine. Just miserable, Thank you for asking

I had a horrible day today.

What's worse is that there's a deeply rooted sadness that I can't shake off and it gets triggered by the littlest things.  So it's not like anything really serious happened.  But I came home today and I was venting in the car to my mom.

Me: "I just hate how I have to just think positive and dwell on the good things.  It's makes me so frusterated."

Mom: "Lizzy, you should just go in your room and cry.  You need to.  I want you to know that it's okay sometimes to just go to your room and cry and not try to be responsible about how you feel."

^Mom is so wise.  I mean this seriously.  I get so caught up in doing what's right and not doing what's wrong that I forget that sometimes there isn't a right or wrong.

Anyhow, the main point of this ridiculous ramble is to confess that when I despair that I will ever attract a man, I look up pictures of Tom Hiddleston.  And I smile.  Because he's charming.

I mean, he's so very British.  Not the silly "I love British Boys" British, but the gentleman, old fashioned, charming British.  He can sweep me off my feet with that little grin of his, and gladly too.  It's so unassuming and awesome.  And I respect that he tries to look at life from a deeper perspective.  So even though he's probably just as horrid a human being as everyone else, he warms my broken heart like a cup of properly prepared Earl Grey tea :)

And speaking of tea, you should watch this:

Where Common Kitties Play

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T-55t4u7U8


"Which pet's address is the finest in Paris?
Which pets possess the longest pedigree?
Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats?
Naturellement, the Aristocats!

Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces?
Which pets know best all the gentle social graces?
Which pets live on cream and loving pats?
Naturellement, the Aristocats!

They show aristcratic bearing when their seen upon an errand
And aristocratic flair in what they do and what they say.
Aristocats are never found in alleyways or hanging 'round the garbage cans where common kitties play..."

I just got a little grey tabby kitten.  I've had this song in my head ever since even though he's a "common kitty"  haha

Minnesota, Owl Hunting, and Cousin Talk

I just got back a family reunion in Minnesota.  It's one of the best things on this planet.

Just think: this reunion has gone on for four generations now (40+ years) and we still want to attend!  My cousin, Maggie, says she lives for this week of the year, that's how amazing it is.  It began with my grandmother and her eight other siblings at the tiny farmhouse.  Now, the original nine had children and then they had children and their children are having children.  We stay at three resorts in Perham, Minnesota and kill time tubing on the lake, walking to and fro, crossing the dam, playing Mafia in the Big Cabin, and raiding eachother's cabins to find any food other than pixisticks.  The families take turns filling the coolers that hang around the resorts with this sulfur-scented orange drink mix that really tastes terrible, but it's so nostalgic that we all drink it anyway.  The whole place feels like another home.

I can't remember when I started going to the Lakes, but I do remember the good old days when I spent my hours pretending to be cats with my cousins Sahara, Haley, Millie, and KayKay.  We had this one tree where we claimed rooms and pretended to feed our imaginary kittens the leaves.  We've outgrown the tree literally and figuratively now.  My cousins, Stacy and Mimi have joined our group now, so altogether we form a pretty big posse when it's just us girls.  We lived pretty divided from the boys' group, but this year we merged (a triumph, I dare say!).  I hung out a good deal with my cousin, Lucas, who is pretty quiet but hilarious and easy going.  I played Akinator with the Canadians and geeked out about kittens with Sahara.  We would all go out on the pontoon and jump into the lake.  The boys all did crazy stunts and looked hilarious as our cameras snapped pictures the whole time.

This year, many of my cousins were recently married and having babies.  My cousin, George, just married a charming pint-size wife of 20 named Anna.  She's young enough to still enjoy our company and yet she's old enough to be a sort of mentor.  Us girls decided to have a makeover party and everyone was doing someone's makeup when I worked up the courage to ask Anna what she thought of this guy that I am currently interested in.  I described him:
 "He says a bunch of really good things about his convictions, but I sometimes think he puts up with more from his friends than he should.  He doesn't make inappropriate jokes, but his friends do and sometimes he'll laugh.  He doesn't want to date anyone until he feels like she could be the One, but he lets the girls give him much more attention than I would put up with if I were a guy," I explained.
"Well, first off, I congratulate him," Anna began, "It's super hard for guys to go through something like that.  I know because my brothers sound just like the guy you're talking about.  The second thing I'd say is that I'd encourage him to get a mentor, someone to keep him accountable and to spur him on in the Lord."

This encouraged the others to consult Anna with their guy problems and we ended up having a really good conversation about it.  That as our first Cousin Talk of the year.  Then, I talked with my cousin, Evan, who was surprised by a visit from his girlfriend, May, whom we all knew was coming but played along to keep him aloof.  She stayed for two days and once she left, I overheard him talking to his parents about some disagreements he had with her.  I nonchalantly walked over and sat down.  When he had finished speaking, I  brought up that I had been interested in a guy for four years now and I wanted to know what he thought of it.
"Oh, well, let's go for a walk," Evan said.  Once I had described him again and explained some of my struggles with the whole thing, Evan began,
"Well, first off, I like this guy already.  It sounds like he has integrity.  You said you are in different social circles?  Well, me and May were, too.  I liked her for a really long time until I though to myself, 'I got to do something with these feelings.'  I started to text her and eventually we started talking more."
Evan explained how he and May had circled around a relationship, going back and forth for a really long time until they finally decided that they really did want to go further.
"I'd recommend trying to talk to him.  Learn a little about him, talk about everyday stuff.  Small talk.  You don't want to lead the relationship, but if he's a good guy he'll pick up that you like him.  Guys notice that sort of thing.  If you sense that he likes you, but he's afraid to mention it, then you can bring up how you feel.  Just be patient.  God's got your story."

The last talk we had was with my girls and Anna.  I broke down crying because of some struggles I've been dealing with lately with guilt and my mental disorder, OCD.  The girls were all shocked to see me, who they think of as the most spiritual of our group minus Anna, break down in tears all of a sudden.  I described how I felt to Anna, who immediately told me that praying is never wrong and I should read my Bible.  This conversation was the hardest for me because I don't know what parts of the way I feel are OCD related and which are just wisdom.  I haven't read my Bible consistently since the days when I thought I was going to Hell and if I didn't read it and repent and change my ways I would be condemned forever.  I would pray and repent all the time and I walked around with a guilt for the intrusive obsessive thoughts that I couldn't help, but I felt I had to fight all the same.  My relationship with God was strained at best.  My parents told me that my reading the Bible was not reaping any benefit because my mind twisted all the words into Legalism. So, in the Lakes, I broke down because I'm so weary of a relationship with God where I know what I ought to feel, but I don't feel it- what I ought to know, but don't.  I know I ought to believe that God is love and has forgiven me and that His discipline is sweet and not oppressive, but every day I still walk in condemntion and fear and guilt.  I'm angry because I get so confused and I wonder why God doesn't make things simpler because surely I'd be a better Christian if He did.

The conversation with Anna didn't help much, although her prayers did.  I didn't feel better, but I always appreciate when people pray for me because I know God listens to our prayers.  I had a pretty bad dream last night and a few nights back.  These vivid dreams frighten me because they are about relationships that go further than they should, but people tell me it's okay.  They violate God's law, but the people in my dreams swear it's okay and I awake feeling all jittery because I wonder if I am desiring these things and the people are really just giving a voice to my own heart's thoughts.  I wonder if I should even think about getting into a relationship because I am so unstable and possibly would go too far.  But I feel like maybe I would understand Him more if I did.  Am I making an idol of marriage and relationships and this particular boy?  To add to all of this, I wonder if I should be reading my Bible more.  I certainly don't feel very affectionate towards God, but when I imagine Him fully- when I dwell on His miracles and Heaven- I do.  I know I'm secured in Him, and yet I fear that maybe I'll be one of those who spring up but are squelched by the weeds.  Praying is difficult because I run out of words so quickly and I don't know how to pray for myself.  I just feel like I do not want to even try to better my relationship with Him because it feels so impossible because of all ^ this.  So, if you've managed to get this far into this blog, I need prayers and yours would be coveted.

Whoa, whoa, whoa- waaaaay off track. Back to the fun stuff.

At the end of the week, we had to say goodbye.  It's so hard to realize that the people before you are going to change and you won't be there to see it until it's already happened.  Fortunately, some of my cousins will visit us before the next reunion.  Anyhow, as we were on the road, I realized that I had to check the map.
"We're only a few miles from Owatonna!" I exclaimed.  "There my future husband waits for me!"
Lol Adam Young does indeed live in Owatonna, Minnesota, but he certainly does not await my presence.  Throughout the week I joked about how I should stop into Owatonna's grocery store and wait to see if Adam Young comes by.  The cousins laughed, some were concerned, and I just laughed.

Thus ends my amazing trip to Minnesota, Owl Hunting and Cousin Talks and all.  Hope ya'll endured the lengthiness and that if ya'll ever get married, that you have a family as awesome as mine.  Dasvidaniya!